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The kind of pain that you think you can will away. But after you've exhausted everything, it proves you wrong 'coz it's still there. Eating away at your heart, possibly even your soul. Consciously, you are dying inside. You want to fight, but it all comes down to resignation.
I was waiting for numbness, but it never came. I thought acceptance came in its place but I was wrong. What I thought was acceptance was pain in disguise. It never left. It just made me believe that everything's okay when in reality, it's not.
But does one really want to be jaded? To be afraid to love, to get hurt... To feel?
It seems to be the safest option. It seems safer to just opt not to feel. But can one really be hopeless enough to fall into such a state?
*** I wrote this letter back in February 1, 2007, before I met my husband. I found it neatly folded and tucked away in one of my planners in the office. Looking back, I'm glad I kept fighting. I'm glad I'm happy now, and I'm very thankful for all the blessings I've received in the past years. I'm glad I've found my best friend, my soul mate, my partner in life. My husband. Thank you, Lord. :)