dying young

Saturday, June 10, 2006
it's not fun being alone. so mejo senti mode ako ngayon. lecheng radio blog yan... my bro has such senti songs stored in his radio blog that it puts me into emo mode. ano yun? ganun ba talaga pag inlove? senti? well, sabagay, kahit naman noong wala pa syang gf, he's into these kinds of songs na.

what's actually playing right now as i type, is "because of you"... sigh.

what is it with people's need to be loved and be in a relationship? for people like me, it's so complicated and it doesn't come by often anymore. when i was a younger, in my teen years... i had no problem with welcoming love and being in a relationship. now, i guess i'm more jaded and stoic. i'm no longer a blind follower of love.

i'm not saying that i don't want to fall in love. i do. but i guess now, it's a matter of love finding you. sometimes i get impatient... i get frustrated and think to myself: when will i meet the one? then i realize that i have my life to enjoy while the right one is finding his way to me. minsan lang nakakalungkot na yung proseso ng paghihintay. if you get my drift. and sometimes, i can't help but think na, what if i already met the one but i was too self-absorbed at the time and i didn't pay him much attention? well, that must suck.

i can't believe this, but i'm looking forward to the end of the world more and more. parang, it's the only thing i actually can look forward to. it's the only thing that's certain. hope it'll happen in my lifetime. or... i can't believe i'm saying this... but i actually find the thought of dying young appealing.

sometimes i see elder people and i get really scared. like people in their 70's or 80's... most of them can't remember a thing, can't do much by themselves, or they're bound to their wheelchairs. growing old honestly scares me. it's as if you don't have much use in the world anymore. and seeing your skin sagging and badly wrinkled... you body feeling frail... and your sight and hearing slowly going... that must be terrifying. to be alive and yet you can see your body wasting away... i don't think i can stand that. that's why i thing dying young is more appealing.

but then again, i'm only 24.

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